Advice from blogger Sarah Sandison on dating and being comfortable with being single

Instagram blogger, @mybrothersarah, shares with us her advice on dating yourself and becoming more comfortable with being single…

If your life’s a mess, you can’t manage your workload, bank account, household and social commitments… why on earth do you think you could manage a relationship right now?  

The likelihood of jumping into a co-dependent relationship based on shared trauma is high if you’re in this position, and the risk in doing so, is astronomical.  The person who wants to date a mess and think they can change them is going see their backsides the minute you get your game together.  Or worse still, they may try to control you with abusive behaviour that keeps you in a negative cycle.

We’re told that meeting someone and falling in love is going to make our lives whole/worthwhile/easier. But I think that’s utter rubbish! Because the reality of it is so much more painful/messy/complicated.  Yes, falling in love is a fabulous feeling, but the practicalities of cultivating a relationship that works for you both, despite all your baggage and life commitments, is so indisputably hard, it can easily take away the shine.

So what can you do to get in a good spot, first and foremost for yourself?

I say date yourself. Take you out and show you a good time. Find out what you like, socially, culturally, emotionally, sexually and artistically. Explore everything!  Lana Del Rey said, “Everywhere you go you take yourself.” If you’re looking for someone to give you the life you dream of, you need to start living the life you dream of, right now!

Stop eating pasta out the pan, immediately! Cook yourself a nice meal. Set the table with the good knife and fork. Girl, light yourself a candle!  Lads, have a shave!  And don’t stop there! Iron your clothes, clean out your cupboards, paint those awful floorboards, sell your old clothes, wash your make up brushes, buy some flowers for the vase, wash your bathmat, throw out all those empty shampoo bottles, throw out all the tupperwear that doesn’t match, chuck that underwear out with holes in, book a trip, go for dinner with a friend, buy a bike, watch that Taylor Swift Reputation Tour on Netflix.

I fully recommend going the cinema on your own! Its powerful and its invigorating! Once you get over the initial anxiety of queuing for a ticket for 1, you’re in. You can sit wherever YOU want, you don’t have to share any snacks or explain why you’re going the loo for the 4th time in an hour. (But that might just be me.)

I once bought a “posh” bottle of wine from Tesco because it was on offer for £9.  A special treat, just for me. When I took it home, the house was a shithole.  I couldn’t drink it!  Not until I’d done the weeks’ worth of dishes in the kitchen, emptied the washing machine, hoovered round and cleaned the bathroom. However, doing this first really motivated me! An hour later I was sitting in my lovely tidy home sipping my £9 bottle of wine, feeling like the bee’s knees!

If you can relate to any of this, I highly recommend you buy yourself some headphones and get downloading some audiobooks. Rachael Hollis Girl, Stop Apologising is a BIBLE.  Lewis Howes books ‘The School of Greatness’ and ‘The Mask of Masculinity’ are great choices!  I know loads of people who still today (in 2020!), have never listened to a podcast!  I love Unf*ck Your Brain, Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations, Boss Babe, Russell Brand Under’s the Skin and Love Stories by Dolly Alderton (especially the Jesse Cave and Lily Allen episodes).  ‘The Leg It’ podcast by Andy Grant is also a great choice!

These days, I can go for a meal on my own, or even just for a drink on my own and enjoy it! I haven’t yet been to a gig on my own or flown alone yet, but I’ll get there.  My advice is stop waiting for someone to fix you. Get out there and be the person you can’t live without!   

Follow @mybrothersarah on Instagram