The Power of Disappointing People

People often assume that because I’m a coach, I must somehow float through life without awkward moments, guilt, or uncomfortable decisions. But the truth is, I have difficult conversations too — and today I had to let someone down. I had to tell them that I would no longer be continuing to work with them on a project.

And I won’t pretend it felt easy.

Before I spoke to them, I could feel the familiar internal spiral: What will they think of me? How will they feel? Will they be angry? Will they judge me? Will I look selfish?

That emotional tug-of-war is something I see all the time in my clients. Many of us make decisions based on old commitments, outdated information, or the version of ourselves we were at the time we said yes. But then things change. We gain clarity. We get new information. Our instincts shift. And yet we stay stuck — not because we truly want to, but because we don’t want to disappoint someone else.

This pattern shows up everywhere: in jobs, marriages, friendships, families, and business partnerships. We stay quiet. We keep going. We tolerate. We over-explain. We carry on out of fear.

In psychology, this can be linked to what are known as conditions of worth — the belief that we are only valued, accepted, or “good enough” if we keep others happy, stay agreeable, or avoid conflict. But living your life through that lens comes at a cost.

The reality is this: you get one life.

And you are at your best when you are aligned with what you enjoy, what you value, what you’re skilled at, and what genuinely fits you. That means sometimes you will disappoint people. And yes, sometimes you will be misunderstood.

But I’ll take short-term discomfort over long-term discomfort every time.

A difficult conversation might last ten minutes. But avoiding it can trap you in months — even years — of quiet resentment, anxiety, and regret.

If you feel stuck in a situation you’ve outgrown, ask yourself: What am I really afraid of here? Because freedom often begins the moment you choose yourself.

If this resonates, you can listen to more reflections like this on my podcast, Unknot Your Future Self — or get in touch with me at Unknot Coaching & Therapy if you’d like support untangling what’s holding you back.