5 Ways People Pleasing Can Seriously Harm Your Mental Health, and how to stop:

People pleasing tends to be a very common problem, one that is wrought with insecurity and fear. People pleasers tend to sacrifice their own wants, needs and opinions, ensuring that others will approve and like them.  When you neglect yourself in this way and live-in constant fear of what others think, it not only drains you physically, but it takes a serious toll on your mental health. 

Here are 5 ways that your mental health will suffer as you attempt to people please your way through life. 

1. High Stress: As a people pleaser, your inability to say no will have you adding even more activities and tasks (that you don’t want to do) to your already busy plate. This could mean taking on more responsibility at work or simply saying yes to a night out when you’d rather stay in. Either way, consistently putting others first, and your own wants and needs last will eventually send your stress level off the charts. Instead of saying yes to a whole bunch of things you don’t want, decide what makes YOU happy and say yes to that instead. 

2. Depression: When you put your all into making everyone else happy, you aren’t being true to yourself. Your wants, needs, likes, opinions – all of that goes out the window as you try to edit yourself to “fit” whoever it is you’re trying to please. It’s extremely stressful to constantly put on a show, keep up appearances and give 110% of yourself to someone else because you feel that you need their approval. This makes it very easy to slip into depression and loneliness because you neglect who and what really matters – YOU.

3. Resentment: When you spend most of your time caring for and pleasing others, without getting much in return, resentment will start to set in. On the surface you will be full of smiles and yes’s, however behind closed doors it will be a different story. You’ll start to resent yourself for giving so much, and resent others for not caring enough to return the favour. If you don’t change course, this is a dead-end road that will lead to frustration, discontent and unhappiness. Do only what you feel comfortable with, and if you feel in your gut that someone is taking advantage of that, trust the feeling and pull back. Your kindness is best given to those who appreciate you and are willing to show gratitude. 

4. Losing Yourself: As you focus more on pleasing other people, you begin to sacrifice your own identity, and eventually losing who you really are. Changing yourself to fit in for the approval of others causes you to stop walking your own path and take theirs instead. This then leads to an internal battle that leaves you feeling drained, frustrated and uncertain about who you are and what you want. It will also impact your close relationships because you spend so much time placing your energy in the wrong corner. Put your needs before others and you’ll find you are much better use to the world. There is a strict instruction from cabin crew just before you take off for a flight that states “In the event of cabin pressure failure, place your own oxygen mask on before helping others” – this is because if you don’t you are likely to pass out and therefore are no use to anyone. This instruction can be applied to life; if you don’t fix your own wellbeing before others, you are no use to anyone!

5. Anxiety: The longer you put the needs of others front and centre, the more anxiety you’re going to experience because it is impossible to please everyone. If you are a chronic people pleaser, you tend to worry constantly about being good enough, fitting in and being accepted by those around you. For this reason, your imperfections and mistakes are magnified at all times and you become your own worst critic. This alone can cause your anxiety to go through the roof because you feel like you don’t measure up to the image that you think everyone expects. Meditating regularly when you feel anxious and are overthinking will really help improve your anxiety around people pleasing. Meditation has huge benefits and can help with all of the above points. 

People pleasing can have a serious impact on your mental health and will keep you stuck in a vicious cycle of anxiety and depression.  Rather than looking for approval from everyone else, start searching inward and give yourself some of the love and energy you’ve been handing out to everyone else. It is time to put your own needs first, your mental health and wellbeing depends on it! Follow me on Facebook @Chelle Clarke – Energy Transformation Queen for access to further tips, advice, meditations and events.