The Sucessful Facade…

It was a cold winter’s morning, and I was about to have an exploration call with a potential client. She was a woman who ran a huge business, highly successful, and I had been wondering why she needed coaching. I was intrigued.

It soon became very clear that, despite her success and positive demeanour, something was seriously wrong. As she told me her story, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing: significant abuse, neglect, and violence. Yet despite it all, here she was—successful in business, a high earner, well regarded—and from the outside, you’d never know something was wrong.

But all that wasn’t enough.

She told me that every few months, she became so deeply depressed that she would retreat to her settee and spend, at times, nearly three weeks there, unable to function or engage with her personal or professional life. I felt her pain. She told me she’d attempted suicide in the past and, even to this day, stockpiled morphine just in case it all became too much.

I’m very rarely shocked by client disclosures, but honestly, the pain I felt for this woman stays with me to this day.

She had been in therapy for ten years. Although she had made some changes, she felt profoundly stuck. No amount of therapy had helped, and her trauma continued to haunt her day to day. We decided to work together.

Fast forward three weeks, and one day she said to me, “I’ve moved forward more in three weeks with you than in ten years of therapy.” It was astonishing. Why? Because she had been given a space for deep listening, one that was different. She didn’t just talk; I challenged her. I challenged how she was showing up in the world, how she communicated, and how that was affecting her in the here and now. I helped her differentiate between trauma responses and learned, maladaptive behaviours. I offered her positivity and hope.

This client continues to thrive and grow and is finally living a life free from abuse and constant emotional pain. But she had to make a decision: did she want her trauma to continue affecting the rest of her life, or did she want to create a life for herself in spite of it? Trauma affects us all in different ways, and sometimes what we need is the right person to help us feel heard, and give us permission to free ourselves.